I haven't really gone around telling everyone I have "The Cancer". That was the main reason I wrote "The Game of Life" post. But what I find a little humorous is the reaction of those people who hear I have The Cancer and then disappear off the face of the earth. Even though they tell others, "Tell her I said that if she needs anything at all, just call.". Well, jeez... why not just call me and tell me that?
I feel like I have cooties. Cancer Cooties. And the Cancer Cooties are making others afraid to just call because they think they can either kill me through the phone or get The Cancer through phonemosis (yes, I said Phonemosis - think osmosis but through the phone). I'm still the same person. I just have a ginormous tumor growing in my pancreas and liver. What can you do for me? Call me when you feel like calling. Don't stay away because you don't know what to say. Want me to tell you what to say? Say this: "Kick that goddamned cancer in the fucking ass." That's it. And I'll do it too.
So after a week of thinking about it, and also realizing that I have a shitload of people to tell, I decided to just post some stuff on Facebook and let everyone know that this is why I've either forgotten to call, didn't pick up the phone when they called, or just plain didn't call back because I never know what to say now when someone who doesn't know asks me, "How are you doing?". Lately, I've just been blurting it out like this:
Person Who Doesn't Know:
So how have you been? Anything new?
Meh... I'm ok. New? Well, I have cancer. How are you???
Not too smooth.
So now that I've put it out there, I can now say, "I have pains, I'm tired, I'm scared of this surgery. But hey... look at all this weight I've lost!" Hey... you've got to have a sense of humor about this shit and instead of crying all the time (I'll be honest, I have cried quite a bit), I want to able to laugh despite this shit that's going down. I'm gonna fight and I need all the support I can get. So don't tell me "stop talking like that" when I joke about being able to get VIP parking because I'll be able to get a handicap placard now that I'll be getting chemo after the surgery (at least I think so, anyway). Let me have a giggle. I'm laughing at myself... that's a good thing. And it stops making everything so "heavy". You dig?
Oh and by the way... despite the pain... I'm in good spirits. Thanks for asking.